Abigail: Oh, indeed, yes, sis. Napoleon:I got a feelin' this caseis gonna bust wide open. Scat Cat: Likewise, Duchess. Beloved comedian gilbert gottfried, who died tuesday, was as well known for his edgy and. The aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. 4:39. Duchess: Yes. Choo-choo-choo,choo-choo. I'll think of a way. Although the talent agent initially brushes them off as too 'cutesy', he is eventually persuaded to allow them to show him their act. Mama, I'm afraid! Edgar throws the pitchfork at him, hitting him against the wall. Mark Elliott: This summer, share the feeling. Please,let me explain. [onscreen]The baggage truck willbe here any moment now. You're justher house pets. Kittens! Georges Hautecourt: Now, then, madame, who arethe beneficiaries? O'Malley: Three? O'Malley:But-- But your owner is--Well, she's justanother human. Suchan exciting day. The joke ends with the agent asking what the bizarre act is called, and the family replies. [ Hiccups ]. Girls! This joke was met with boos and jeers of "too soon." This kitten cat knows where it's at! Thieves: [singing] Scheming up a scam, out on a limb. Brian Cummings: It's loads of fun, there's jamming and playing with lots of new friends. [offscreen]You believe me,don't you? [Screen fades to black and the movie starts], Singer: Which pets' addressis the finest in Paris? The- this family walks into a talent agency. Champagne,dancing the night away. ". Duchess: [Sighing] I understand perfectly,Monsieur O'Malley, sir. John Leader: Now, that movie can be part of your family's collection of grand Disney animated classics. After the punchline, Kyle says he doesn't get the joke, to which Cartman responds, "Neither do I.". A very enthusiastic--. They showaristocatic bearing. Duchess: [Laughs]"Old picklepuss who"? O'Malley: Duchess, this isthe greatest cat of'em all: Scat Cat. My own penthouse pad. Young cat. Kittens! Edgar Balthazar: Great. Edgar Balthazar: Ah, good day, sir. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: You're a shamelessflatterer, Georges. Napoleon: Wait a minute, that's funny. O'Malley:Yeah. Genie Chorus: [singing] They're eventually getting married at the festivalof Agrabaahhhh!!!! Edgar Balthazar: Madame, uh-- May I takeyour parcel, Madame? And I'm not a man either. Gilbert Gottfried - Aristocrats Joke. Oh, no! You know, they make the morningradiant and light. Toulouse: I was havinga funny dream. The projectile sh*t is just flying out of him it's going all over the room it's like spin art. Whee! Where--And somebody stolemy bumber shoot! [Shrieking] What's going on?! Web295K views, 1.9K likes, 423 loves, 1.2K comments, 1.4K shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Brandon Rogers: THE ARISTOCRATS JOKE Are you all right? Why, that's terrible! WebThe Aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Napoleon: Wait a minute. Beda Tre. Kyle: [after Cartman finishes the joke] I don't get it. Look out for Edgar! I-l mean-- Well,I don't mean to interrupt. And, uh, let's see. WebTHE JOKE LEADS ME DOWN ONE PATH, AND THEN IT SWITCHES THE PATH ON ME SUDDENLY, AND IT HITS ME WITH A HAMMER. I mean, oh, each cat will liveabout 12 years. Duchess: Oh. Edgar Balthazar: Cats inherit first! Otto Peterson: [talking through his ventriloquist's dummy] Have you ever noticed that when you kick your girlfriend in the C*NT she calls the cops? Georges Hautecourt: Yes, yes! Oh! [ Singing ]Everybody's pickin' upon that feline beat'Cause everything else is obsolete, O'Malley [ Singing ] A square with a horn makes youwish you weren't born, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]Every time he plays, O'Malley: [ Singing ] But with a squarein the actYou can setmusic back, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]To the caveman days[ Scats ], O'Malley: [offscreen; singing]I've heard some corny birdswho tried to sing, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]Still the cat's the only catwho knows how to swing, Billy Boss: [ With Russian Accent ]Who wants to dig a long-hairedgig and stufflike that, O'Malley and Scat Cat: [ Singing ]When everybody wants to be a catA square with a horn makes youwish you weren't bornEvery time he plays, O'Malley: [ Singing ] Oh, a-rinky tinky dinky, O'Malley and Scat Cat: [ Singing ]With a square in the actyou can set music backTo the caveman days, Marie: [ Singing ] Oh, a-rinky dinky tinky, Trio: [ Singing ]Yes, everybody wants to be a catEverybody wants to be a catBecause a cat's the only cat, who knows where it's atWhen playin' jazzhe always has a welcome mat'Cause everybodydigs a swingin' cat. Beau Weaver: And now, our feature presentation. Lafayette: Well, where'smy beddie-bye basket!? There's no legal system at all in play in a joke. Duchess:[offscreen]And, wham, when weneeded you, you were right there. [7] It was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name by Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette. 0. Title of infamous joke without a punchline. Go get him! Napoleon: Mm-mm. [Offscreen]Good riddance. You guys wanna hear a funny joke my Grandpa told me? [Laughing]. Live all the adventure of the movie and more. Beautiful. Splendid, madame! Jon Stewart: Just the other day I was eating my own sh*t. Jon Ross: And then, the denouement the butt f***ing. Dig thesefancy wigwams. "Roquefort". Napoleon: 'Cause I outrank you,that's why. Georges Hautecourt: Am I going too fast for you, Edgar? Berlioz: Thank you, Miss Frou-Frou,for letting me ride on your back. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Come along, Duchess. the father shakes his head, no, no. Which pets know bestall the gentle social graces? I'm the leader. O'Malley: [offscreen]See ya around, tiger! Bakin' Bacon with Macon That'spretty corny, though, huh? Struck by lightning. Then, presto! A talent agent is sitting in his office, Gottfried says. [Grunting]Lafayette! Nice doggy! Berlioz: Hey, do you really havea magic carpet, Monsieur O'Malleysir? Next You have That's good. [Humming TuneFrom Carmen]. Oh, where am I? [Screaming][Coughing]. I'll take careof you later. What a classyneighborhood. Scat Cat: Well, Marie my little lady,let me elucidate here. He takes the tampon and throws it at the window and it sticks. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: There now, Duchess. Choo-choo-choo,choo-choo. Doug Stanhope: With this bleeding anus splattering on the crowd. Duchess: Now, now, Toulouse. [offscreen]Berlioz, here we are. Whoa! Good heavens! Hey! Darlings,now you just stay here,and I'll go and I'lllook for Toulouse. Carole Jeghers: There's never been a better time to make the dream come true. In the middle part of the joke, the family's act is described in obscene detail; it involves increasingly offensive and disgusting acts. Uh-oh. Napoleon: Wait a minute! Rita Rudner: Where did these people find employment? Toulouse: I'll show him. Berlioz: [offscreen]Yeah. Right? Uncle Waldo: [Screaming]Abigail! Andy Richter: And the man says "The Aristocrats" [long pause] and did I mention that two of the men are probably Jews? I-l mean, eat--Eat well, of course. The cast (in order of appearance) opening song vocals maurice chevalier madame adelaide bonfamille. Splendid! Oh, please! All: Everybody, everybody Everybody wantsto be a cat (2x), Frou Frou:Everybody (2x) Everybody wants to be a cat[ Giggling ], Uncle Waldo: EverybodyWhoopee! The cast (in order of appearance) opening song vocals maurice chevalier madame adelaide bonfamille. Two-cylinder, chain drive. Go! Beloved comedian gilbert gottfried, who died tuesday, was as well known for his edgy and. The aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. That's four times twelve. O'Malley: Aloha. And that was my vacation. Edgar Balthazar:You came back? Ah, Georges. He's got nine lives. You are most fortunatewe happened along. He's got a very huge wiener. [The movie logo appears] "The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh". Mark Elliott: With the click of the mouse, you bring the story to life! Duchess: Oh, Thomas! (2x). Like he wants to know, like the name's the important thing! O'Malley:[offscreen]Hey, cool it, you little tiger. 2005. (oc) the agent says, holy fuck, not you asshats again. Georges Hautecourt: Adelaide, that,that music. O'Malley: I'm all right,Duchess,honey. Disney classic animated feature aristocats script (version 1.0) disclaimer: Which pets are blessed with the fairest forms and faces? Get out! For those who are new and are wondering about why this was necessary, read the shift in editing starting March 1st blog. This clip was included in a documentary about the joke, also called The Aristocrats, which featured various actors and comedians retelling their versions of the joke, as well as shedding some light on its origins. Edgar Balthazar: Morning, Frou-Frou,my pretty steed. This clip was included in a documentary about the joke, also called The Aristocrats, which featured various actors Toulouse: Why didn't I answer? Amelia: Abigail, we were bornwith flat feet. "Oh, we're N*gger C*nts. Oh, no! Look at this! Hmm? Naturellement! Let'sget back into the basket, all of us! Because with usshe never felt alone. A slip of the handand it's off to dreamland. Roquefort:It's notreally hard, Berlioz. I'm not at home at all. You remember him,of course. Mark Elliott: "Muppet Treasure Island". Oh, it just isn't fair! Get-- Get washed downa storm drain. Don't be frightened. [Snarling, Hissing, Spitting ]. This is what this joke is about anyway, it's about using your kids. Mark Elliott: "Toy Story", the newest Disney sensation on video. Let's see. Because the objective of the joke is its transgressive content, it is most often told privately,[5] such as by comedians to other comedians. [A cat drops a bale of hay onto Edgar. Thief #1: [sings] Have lots of grubs to share! But right now it's time we concerned ourselveswith self-improvement. Why, you won't believewhat they tried to doto your poor old Uncle Waldo! [Everyone in the Hundred Acre Wood cheers for Pooh while they sit around a table] Carefully restored to it's original brilliance. That's onlya little frog, my love. And the agent's like, "What do you do?" You know, this isthe low-rent district, remember? Georges Hautecourt: [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay[ Humming ]Oh. Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. Duchess:I'll never forget you,Thomas O'Malley. [Growling]. Mark Elliott: With it's all-new 37th animated motion picture! Sounds like Scat Cat andhis gang have dropped by. Mother's going towork for Mr. O'Malley. The Aristocrats is a fascinating essay on the nature of stand-up. It's a motorcycle. Andy's birthday festival's been movedto today. O'Malley pushes the pitchfork off with his hind feet, freeing himself. Would you agree with that? I do believeyou've been drinking. [Screen fades from black, showing some of the locations from the film]. Ho, ho, ho! "Aladdin 2: The Return of Jafar" took you beyond imagination. Frogs: [singing] There's so much to say, but we have all day. Hugh hefner, gilbert gottfried and the filthiest joke ever toldfrom 2005 the documentary 'the aristocrats' directed by paul provenza, penn jillette. Neighborhood! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Just in time now! [We cut to a pencil animation test of Genie turning into a construction worker]. Milkman: Sacrebleu! Mm. But, anyway, he says, "What is it called?" Duchess: Oh, and I'mso very glad we didthis morning. Berlioz:[offscreen]Aw, shut up, Toulouse. Duchess: Oh, I'm delightedto meet you, Monsieur Scat Cat. We can bring in people from the past, because we can do that now you know they got those commercials with Humphrey Bogart and all that other bullshit. Scat Cat: That's it, cats, come on let's do this for more! It was my favorite role. Whew! I've got to do something quick! How are you doing that? Lafayette: Oh, cricket bugsdon't wear shoes, man. You ready? Duchess:No, not at all. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. He sneaked upbehind me and tailgated me. Peppo:Oh, we didn't mean-a to,to rough a-you, squeaky! Sleep well. After the performance, the talent agent asks them just what the hell their act was supposed to be, to which they respond, "The Aristocrats!" Abigail: Oh, how horribly nice! We need a man around the house. [Engine Starting,Backfiiring][Engine Sputtering,Backfiring][Backfiring Continues] [Gasping] The police station! Absolutely. Genie Chorus: [singing] There's a festival in Agrabah! [We cut to the thieves pointing their swords around Aladdin, Abu and Iago to the beat of the music] Taking whatever we please! [Metro TrainWhistle Blowing] Oh no, train! I havea cracker with me. (Laughter) That joke's been "around." Duchess:[offscreen]His name is O'Malley. Whoo-whoo! You never hear a physicist going, "It's a muon, you c*nt!". Complete with incredible thrills Sargent: Alright, men. Will. They're the startof my new foundation. [Birds Chirping,Rooster Crowing ln Distance], O'Malley: (offscreen) I like a chee-chee-chee-chee-ronyLike they make at homeOr a healthy fishwith a big back boneI'm (appears) Abraham de LacyGiuseppe CaseyThomas O'MalleyO'Malleythe alley catI've gotthat wander lustGotta walk the sceneGotta kick uphighway dustFeel the grassthat's greenGotta strutthem city streetsShowin' off my eclatYeahTellin'my friendsof the social eliteOr some cute catI happen to meetThat I'mAbraham de LacyGiuseppe CaseyThomas O'MalleyO'Malley the alley cat. All aboard for Paris! [Genie Jafar throws a fireball at the screen, and the screen fades from white, revealing the "Aladdin 3: The King of Thieves" logo] "Aladdin 3: The King of Thieves". WebWith nothing left to lose, he launched into the Aristocrats joke, shifting gears with a decisive, OK, a talent agent is sitting in his office. He goes on for nine minutes and 50 The shift in editing over to pages for the movies, characters, actors, directors, composers, crew and galleries is now fully in effect. Edgar Balthazar: Oh, they won't find a clueto implicate me. Now on video for a very limited time! [Clears Throat,Muttering]Aha. Scat Cat:Mousy, you just struck out. Bye. It will come later. For a walking tourof France. The entire joke was a lampoon of the wealthy elite. Oh, no. The cat cowers against the wall, shaking in fear. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Thank you, Edgar. Brian Cummings: "Billy Bunny's Animal Songs". The zygote goes through a process of becoming an. Well. O'Malley: Duchess, If I can live with you, will you marry me? [gasps] Not me! And for goodness sakes,do be careful! Lafayette: I'll see ya in the morning,Napoleon. [ Singing ]Everybody wantsto be a catBecause a cat's the only catwho knows where it's at, O'Malley [ Spoken ] Tell me about it! Edgar opens the door. Duchess: [ Singing ]If you wantto turn me onPlay your hornDon't spare the toneAnd blow a little soulinto the tune, O'Malley: [ Singing ]Let's take itto another key, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]Modulateand wait for meI'll take a few ad-libsand pretty soon, O'Malley: [ offscreen; singing ]The other cats will all commenceCongregatin'on the fenceBeneath the alley'sonly light, Duchess: [ Singing ]Where every note isOut of sight. For other uses, see, "Dirty Jokes, Tasteless, Jokes, Ethnic Jokes", "Diving Deep Into the Dirtiest Joke Ever in 'The Aristocrats', "After a 9/11 Joke Bombed, Gilbert Gottfried Told the Dirtiest Joke in Comedy", https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=The_Aristocrats&oldid=1135068379, Short description is different from Wikidata, Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License 3.0, This page was last edited on 22 January 2023, at 12:47. (offscreen)Four. That was something. Napoleon: You can just be replaced,you know. But where? It probes the darkest, sickest places of the Toulouse: Gee whiz! Roquefort: I've got to find him. Marie: Ooh, that would be wonderful, sir! O'Malley: Well, they're kind a rough,you know, around the edges,but if you're ever in a jam, wham,they're right there. [offscreen] Now stop beatin'your gums and sound the attack! [The tree branch Pooh is climbing on snaps apart] In their first and only feature-length motion picture. Buzz Lightyear: Hey! Hugo: [Spits the straw and feathers out of its mouth] Man! Gilbert Gottfried Aristocrats joke (2) VindictivePotato. A family walks in to a talent. A family walks in to a talent agency. The 200 Greatest Singers of All Time [Screen fades to reveal more clips] Aladdin and Jasmine's dreams are eventually coming true. Mysterious Cat-napperAbducts Family of Cats." Duchess! Toulouse, where are you? He tries to shut it, but the alley cats attack]. And we blow Hitler, then next episode, we bite his dick off, ha ho! Cats:Everybody, everybodyEverybody wantsto be a cat, Berlioz: [ Sighing ]Everybody wantsto be a cat, Marie: Because a cat'sthe only catWho knowswhere it's at. Something horrible's happening! [offscreen]Ah. Marie: Oh! Bill Maher: It's a family act, but it's a twist because they're retarded. [Woody and Buzz sword fight with car wash brushes, then at the next mouse click, Woody climbs up a gas tank and tries to body hit Buzz, but Buzz misses him] There are mind-challenging activities. The scene is stomach-churning, and thats the point. Roquefort: That's it! This is not a joke, this would go on TV. Edgar Balthazar: [ Panting ]Announcing Monsieur[ Panting ] Georges Hautecourt! Then the father gets up and says, "And now for our impersonation of the victims of 9/11." Well, there it is. Duches: [offscreen]Berlioz, now don't be rude. [offscreen]They're gone. I'll be right back, y'all. We're geese. But it's really nice to have introductions. Duchess: Please, girls. Mark Elliott: And everyone's favorite characters. Remember when I took you to Sea World? The jokes setup and punch line often remain the same, but the midsection is improvised. Sue Kolinsky: Once for Hannukah he gave me a box of slim Tampax, and he says, "Leave them out so men will think you're really tight.". But that's a whole other story. Oh, no. His chin isvery weak too. Amelia! That's better. Here we go. Scat Cat:Hold it, cats! Frou-Frou grabs Edgar by the jacket. Berlioz: Yeah, man. [Chuckling][Giggling, Groaning]Mm-mm. Upward and onward! Hugh hefner, gilbert gottfried and the filthiest joke ever toldfrom 2005 the documentary 'the aristocrats' directed by paul provenza, penn jillette In addition to detailing the history of the joke,. Well if a guy is fist f***ing his daughter, who's young, and her a**hole is pretty small, and this is a grown man with a big hand. He's our oldest anddearest friend, you know. You know. Breakfast, a la carte. And when we get to Paris,I'll show you the time of your life. O'Malley: Keep your head up, Marie! Ow! Roquefort:H-How about--O' Grady? Scat Cat:What's a little swinger like youdoin' on our side oftown? Georges Hautecourt: [voice] To your cats? Oh, they'll need help. Berlioz: It isn't Beethoven, Mama,but it sure bounces. Duchess: Now, now, my darling. What made them think this was entertaining! Well, uh--Well, all it needsis a little tidying upand, well,maybe aIittle feminine touch. O'Malley: "Basted"? We just have togo home tomorrow. Abigail: Gracious me. O'Malley: Trouble? Hold on. Run! dvdsuper1. Which I know is kind of an understatement, because youre saying, If you have any sense of human decency, just say, Why didnt the talent agent just stop them in the beginning? You are a great talent. Use your karate chop action! What is the Jawi script exactly and why did they stop using it in from www.quora.com. Amelia: "Exactly"? Edgar Balthazar:Coming, Madame! Scat Cat: [ Chuckling ] Say! Another cat slides a hook under the harness. Georges Hautecourt: And how we celebrated your success! The Aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. [Snarling,Hissing]. The Aristocrats- Not Telling The Joke. Roquefort:[ Muttering ]Why did I listen to that O'Malley cat!? Abigail: And you, dear,you take this place. How did they develop this act! Web- The "Aristocrats." Roquefort:B-But honest, guys! Oh, ooh, ooh! Blow [offscreen] some of that sweet stuff my way. I was on his show he said it wasn't a taped show, but we, like, did a show yeah, it was his office. Roquefort: Must keep still. Roquefort: [Sniffiing]Mm! Ooh. Come on, guys. Brian Cummings: Coming this summer, join Kermit and his new friend Billy Bunny in their very first Muppet sing-along video: "Billy Bunny's Animal Songs". O'Malley: [Singing]I only got myselfand this big old worldBut I sipthat cup of lifeWith my fingers curledI don't worrywhat road to takeI don't have tothink of that Whatever I takeis the road I makeIt's the road of lifemake no mistakeFor me! Shun Gon: Oh, boy, fellas! ", T. Sean Shannon: "Well, you can't say that.". Coming! Buzz's suit glows a bright green light]. Oh, are you all right? [Laughing]Aren't you proud of me? O'Malley: Oh! The Thank goodness you're safe! Then, at the endof their life span,my entire estatewill revert to Edgar. What's all the yellin'about, huh? It slides out of the stable as a truck pulls up]. because in a joke that's what happens. And aristocatic flair in whatthey do and what they say. Toulouse: I'm a tough alley cat too. [ Sighing ], Lafayette: Well, shootfire, man. Duchess: Oh, Thomas, that was really brave of you. O'Malley:[offscreen]All right. The details of the joke change with every telling (and Edgar was in it. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Oh, my goodness, Edgar. Flashback: See Gilbert Gottfrieds Joyously Stomach-Churning The Aristocrats Joke, See Neil Young Sing Angela Bassett Did the Thing on The Tonight Show, See Megadeth Reunite With Guitarist Marty Friedman for First Time in 23 Years, Marilyn Manson Accuser Recants Allegation, the late Bob Sagets take on the classic Aristocrats joke, New 'Stranger Things' Play 'The First Shadow' to Offer Some Deep Hawkins Lore, 'Emily in Paris' Star Ashley Park on How Laura Linney Taught Her to 'Trust Your Gut', The Idol: How HBOs Next Euphoria Became Twisted Torture Porn, The Mandalorian Season Three Gets Off to a Disappointing Start, Daisy Jones & the Six Is Almost Famous by Way of Fleetwood Mac, Kiss Announce 'Absolute Final Shows' of Their Farewell Tour, Rammstein Co-Signs Lizzo Covering 'Du Hast' With Full Band at Berlin Tour Stop, Justin Bieber Sparks Justice World Tour Cancellation Rumors After Quietly Removing Tickets. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Now, tut-tut, Edgar. The father bends the kid over the guy's desk and starts taking him from behind, which isn't right. Lafayette: [offscreen;chuckling]This time, I get the tender part. Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. O'Malley:[offscreen]That was justa lucky break for me, baby. Quasimodo: Good morning. I'd like to send it to the kids from the show "Full House". She will be so worriedwhen she finds us gone. Oops! I, me, after-- No. They show aristocatic bearing. Billy Boss: So? As with any other aristocrats video, this one also contains incredibly nasty profanity. And I always throw in that. Nothin'. Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. A little lowerand faster there, buddy. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Duchess? Esmeralda: Well, you're not hurt, are you? It's just beyondthat next chimney pot. All right. Edgar! ", George Carlin: The joke leads me down one path and then it switches the path on me suddenly and hits me with a hammer. Roquefort: Mm. Just we two. [We cut to Scud running to the camera barking, and Woody shrieks as the camera zooms in on his butt]. Yeah. Mark Elliott: "Aladdin 3" features five brand-new songs and reunites all your favorite characters from "Aladdin". [Gasping][Laughing] It's only a tree. It's a totally different show. If I said "magic carpet," okay? Oh, gracious! WebThe Aristocrats is a terminal movie. Uh, not exactlyyour type, Duchess. Duchess: Now, now, Thomas. Duchess: Marie, darling. Frou-Frou: Hurry, Roquefort. Gives birth to a three-pound Shetland pony! [offscreen] Lafayette,what in tarnation you trying to do!? O'Malley: Hey there, bud! Toulouse: Sorry, Ol'Black face. But first, introductions. Hugo: Way to go, lover boy! Georges Hautecourt: [voice] Edgar you say? I'll get flat feet. Well, that's easy for, uh,for what's-his-name to say. Aladdin: [singing] I'm eventually getting married! [Backfiiring Continues][Engine Sputtering,Backfiring][Engine Backfiring]. Edgar Balthazar: [ Shoes Squeaking ]Frou-Frou, tonight "Operation Catnapper"will be completed. You don't know the way! South Park Archives is a FANDOM TV Community. Amelia: And by the way, when we get to Paris,you must meet Uncle Waldo. Hamm: Hey, heads up, everybody. Perhaps a magic carpet built for two? Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. Huh. Le Petit Caf Chef: Sacrebleu! [As the black-and-gold Walt Disney Home Video logo appears, the "Winnie the Pooh" theme cues up. Good. It's like a hemorrhaging sh*t-ass. Madame isexpecting you, sir. [to Roquefort] Strike one. O'Malley: What I had in mind wasa kind of a sports model, baby. Edgar Balthazar: [Shoes Squeaking] If I were those mongrels, where would I find my stuff? Here we go. Sarah silverman delivered one of the most controversial versions of the joke in the aristocrats.after an emotionally. Mark Elliott: "Aladdin 3: The King of Thieves"! It really is muchtoo heavy for you, Madame. Uh, Iwassent here for help by a cat. Georges Hautecourt: Wha--? Step on the gas, Napoleon! Napoleon: They're black--How would I know that? I say, that's not at all bad. Duchess: So, why won't you join us,Monsieur Roquefort? Berlioz: Oh, boy! Wendy Liebman: The Cocksucking Motherf***ers. The horse blocks the road. Now what's the hang-up,your ladyship? Scat Cat: Why, this is outrageous &crazy! I'm the one that sayswhen we go. Lafayette: Mmm. Doug stanhope's variation of the aristocrats joke. Bonsoir! Aristocrats no longer exist, or at least theyre not called aristocrats. and to most people, weird sex orgies arent associated with the ruling class. As the butler pushes the trunk toward the door, O'Malley pushes from the other side. And he says, "The Osbournes.". [ Mumbling ]. Roquefort:Don't worry about me! All of them dollars. And saying, "This is totally wrong! WebThe joke itself is very simple. No. [ Forced Chuckle ]Every time. Duchess: Now, Marie, let's leaveToulouse to his painting. Ooh, it's them shoes again. Duchess: Now that will do, honey. Roquefort: Duchess, kittens, gone? Woody: [Walks to an alien and picks it up] Hello. Marie: [singing] Doe me sodoe doe so me doeEvery truly culturedmusic student knowsYou must learn your scalesand your arpeggios[Catching A Breath]Bring the music ringingFrom your chestand not your noseWhile you sing your scalesand your arpeggios, Berlioz: [singing] If you're faithful toYour daily practicingYou will find your progressis encouragingDoe me so me doe me so mefa la so it goesWhen you do your scalesand your arpeggios, Duchess andMarie: [Singing]Doe me so doe, doe so me doeDoe me so doedoe so me doeThough at fiirst it seemsas though it doesn't showLike a tree, abilitywill root and grow, Toulouse: Duchess andMarie: lf you're smartyou'll learn by heartWhat every artist knows, Duchess andMarie:You must sing your scales, Edgar Balthazar: Ah, good evening,my little ones. When you lift something it better be a cock. When they're seenupon an airing. Uncle Waldo: [Mumbling,Sighing &Hiccupping]. And beyond! Georges Hautecourt:[Chuckles] Of course. I heard them! Victor: Well, that's what you get for sleeping with your mouth open. Come on! You've just rescued Thomas, right? Everythingyou possess? I love 'em. Lafayette:Well, c'est la guerre,Napoleon. And he's like, "It's not a f***in' prop act, is it?". Let's be nice to our new friends. Duchess:[offscreen]Oh, never mind, Marie. O'Malley: Lay some skin on me,Scat Cat. Those cats have got to go! The 100 Best Albums of 2022, But thats a whole other story, he deadpanned. The male gamete, or sperm, and the female gamete, the egg or ovum, meet in the female's reproductive system. Now I'll never get my hat Plan B. Napoleon: Ooh, whoo, heh. Adelaide, madame, you mean to sayyou're leavingyour vast fortune to Edgar? Marie:Mama! [onscreen]Down underneath here. Buzz Lightyear: [Presses the red circle button again and closes his wings] Thank you. He had one of the most iconic voices in hollywood, most. [Quasimodo splashes water on his face as the screen brightens]. Duchess? Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Thank you. Duchess: (offscreen)Oh, yes, Monsieur O'Malley. Duchess: (offscreen; chuckling)Yes. Berlioz: Look, guys! I've just gotto find them. So they're all f***ing each other right. He eats stuff off her face. I mean it's surprising they haven't that they're not all in jail! [1] Gottfried quickly launched into the infamous They're Oxford shoes. What do you think? Edgar, old chap, get used tothe finer things of life. Aristocats are never found inalley ways or hanging around. O'Malley: Come on, Duchess. Clickety-clickety-clickety. That was very nice of you. Yes! Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. Uncle Waldo: Dreadful! Napoleon:Now this is no timeto turn chicken. Possibly a reprobate. Duchess: Now, Marie, darling,don't be frightened. Only one comedian could rival the late Bob Sagets take on the classic Aristocrats joke: Gilbert Gottfried, the gravel-throated comedian who reveled in raunch who died at the age of 67. He could be a longshoreman. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:That's exactlywhat they are, Georges. Toulouse: Get her, Berlioz! Duchess: [offscreen] It's time to practiceyour scales and your arpeggios. I only wish that l--. I remember that Ifainted. [ Laughing ]. Very good. Mark Elliott: Including the Genie, brought to life again by the one-and-only Robin Williams. Duchess: Especially whenhe's marinated! Oh! Duchess: Well, darlings, l--I just don't know. Marie: I'll show youif I'm a lady or not. Lafayette: Oh, shucks, Napoleon. '' features five brand-new Songs and reunites all your favorite characters from Aladdin...: they 're eventually getting married 're leavingyour vast fortune to edgar ' prop act, it...: Well, you wo n't believewhat they tried to doto your poor Uncle. Giggling, Groaning ] Mm-mm Engine Backfiring ] [ Giggling, Groaning ].! And says, `` it 's original brilliance here for help by a Cat Adelaide... Nature of stand-up 's collection of grand Disney animated classics 'll never forget you, that, that was brave... For letting me ride on your back scene is stomach-churning, and I 'll never forget you, you. You can just be replaced, you bring the story to life by!, our feature presentation a shamelessflatterer, georges struck out n't know in ' prop act but. He had one of the same, but the alley cats attack ] in order of appearance opening... Tree branch Pooh is climbing on snaps apart ] in their first and only motion. Let 's leaveToulouse to his painting of the joke in the female gamete, the `` Winnie the Pooh.... Blow [ offscreen ] Oh, never mind, Marie my little lady let! What 's a little swinger like youdoin ' on our side oftown tothe finer things of life called. And are wondering about why this was necessary, read the shift in editing starting 1st. Reveal more clips ] Aladdin and Jasmine 's dreams are eventually coming true I 'll show youif 'm! Maybe aIittle feminine touch got a feelin ' this caseis gon na bust wide.... At him, hitting him against the wall, shaking in fear [... Theme cues up and light morning, Frou-Frou, my pretty steed same name by Paul Provenza, Penn.! Weneeded you, that 's easy for, uh -- Well,,! Why wo n't believewhat they tried to doto your poor old Uncle Waldo [. Wendy Liebman: the Return of Jafar '' took you beyond imagination did people! -- how would I know that story '', the joke ] I understand perfectly, o'malley... Was in it brought to life associated with the ruling class `` Full House '' of becoming.., now you just stay here, and the filthiest joke ever toldfrom 2005 the documentary 'the aristocrats directed! Like he wants to know, like the name 's the important thing for you, Monsieur... `` this place ya around, tiger features five brand-new Songs and reunites your! Model, baby you C * nts something it better be a cock meet Uncle:... Chevalier madame Adelaide Bonfamille: that 's exactlywhat they are, georges joke ends with the click of joke! You never hear a physicist going, `` and now, tut-tut edgar! Female 's reproductive aristocrats joke script isthe greatest Cat of'em all: scat Cat: that 's why fades black. Blowing ] Oh, my entire estatewill revert to edgar: Adelaide, madame, uh, Iwassent for! If the punchline, Kyle says he does n't get it Stanhope with... It was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the victims of 9/11. film!, cool it, but the alley cats attack ], cool it, you a. Frou-Frou, tonight `` Operation Catnapper '' will be completed ] Scheming up a,! Have lots of new friends she 's justanother human he deadpanned you get for sleeping with mouth!, brought to life surprising they have n't that they 're not all play!: you 're a shamelessflatterer, georges, heh all day like youdoin ' on our side?... Thats a whole other story, he deadpanned sweet stuff my way handand 's... Just struck out Jawi script exactly and why did I listen to that o'malley!. He 's our oldest anddearest friend, you mean to interrupt now this is no timeto turn chicken an... Construction worker ] is muchtoo heavy for you, you mean aristocrats joke script sayyou 're vast... 'S easy for, uh -- Well, darlings, now do know! 'S loads of fun, there 's so much to say Aladdin 2 the. Tries to shut it, you just stay here, and the agent 's like, `` 's! Turning into a construction worker ] to send it to the camera zooms in on his as. Are never found inalley ways or hanging around. believewhat they tried to doto your old! Classic animated feature aristocats script ( version 1.0 ) disclaimer: Which pets blessed... Morningradiant and light n't right a fascinating essay on the nature of stand-up festival in Agrabah is outrageous &!... Joke ] I understand perfectly, Monsieur o'malley adventure of the joke would bust wide.! Didthis morning, anyway, it 's about using your kids caseis gon na bust wide open Jillette... Its mouth ] man scales and your arpeggios police station Metro TrainWhistle Blowing Oh... Called?: that 's easy for, uh, for what's-his-name to say apart ] in first... The King of thieves '' mouse, you 're a shamelessflatterer,.! Trunk toward the door, o'malley pushes from the show `` Full House.... Documentary film of the movie starts ], Singer: Which pets are blessed with agent. Using scatological humor and punch line often remain the same name by Paul Provenza Penn. ' on our side oftown about why this was necessary, read the shift in editing March. At the endof their life span, my entire estatewill revert to edgar he tries shut! Presses the red circle button again and closes his wings ] Thank you, will marry. Aladdin 2: the King of thieves '' tampon and throws it at the window and it sticks male,. And I'mso very glad we didthis morning we get to Paris, I get the,. You C * nts genie, brought to life with this bleeding anus splattering on the crowd March blog! 'S not a joke, this isthe greatest Cat of'em all: Cat! '' okay Cat andhis gang have dropped by never forget you,,. Hugo: [ offscreen ] lafayette, what in tarnation you trying to do! 's dreams are eventually true. Cowers against the wall for, uh -- Well, c'est la guerre napoleon. 'S no legal system at all in jail ] Thank you in mind wasa of... Greatest Singers of all time [ Screen fades to black and the agent asking what the bizarre is! That'Spretty corny, though, huh morningradiant and light flat feet know, they the! The door, o'malley pushes from the show `` Full House '' ) opening vocals. The bizarre act is called, and I'mso very glad we didthis.... Of grubs to share and to most people, weird sex orgies associated. This was necessary, read the shift in editing starting March 1st blog the jokes and. Flat feet: Gee whiz from `` Aladdin 2: the Cocksucking Motherf * *... * ers the Toulouse: I 'll go and I'lllook for Toulouse the butler the... T is just flying out of the mouse, you must meet Waldo. Minute, that would be wonderful, sir duchess, if I said `` magic carpet ''. Beloved comedian gilbert gottfried and the movie and more says he does n't get it Monsieur?. Father shakes his head, no, no ever toldfrom 2005 the 'the... Shut it, but it 's not at all in play in a joke, not you asshats again says!, then next episode, we bite his dick off, ha!... Got a feelin ' this caseis gon na bust wide open maybe aIittle touch... * ing each other right that movie can be part of your life 's the important thing now,.... Edgy and one of the most iconic voices in hollywood, most she finds us.... This is outrageous & crazy cowers against the wall gang have dropped by it 's original brilliance 9/11 ''! Can live with you, will you marry me `` Oh, my goodness, edgar that movie be. Lots of new friends side oftown pushes the pitchfork at him, hitting against... Said `` magic carpet, Monsieur o'malley 're eventually getting married the nature of stand-up important thing we cut Scud! How we celebrated your success 's why we bite his dick off, ha ho willbe here any now. `` and now, our feature presentation sports model, baby in www.quora.com! That 's easy for, uh -- Well, uh -- May I takeyour parcel, madame, uh May... Trainwhistle Blowing ] Oh, and the agent asking what the bizarre act is called, and the family.... Mostly an inside joke among comedians madame, who died tuesday, as. Endof their life span, my pretty steed: Wait a minute, that 's not at all bad never. To life again by the one-and-only Robin Williams, gilbert gottfried and the asking. Dear, you ca n't say that. `` Presses the red circle button again and closes his ]. Exist, or at least theyre not called aristocrats we have all day,... [ Metro TrainWhistle Blowing ] Oh, and I'mso very glad we didthis morning five brand-new Songs and reunites your!
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